But I'm Horny
by YaoiObsession
Summary: Sasuke is horny and wants to make sure that Naruto is aware of that...SasuNaru. Rated M to be safe. But I'm Horny part VI up, last update XP
1. Chapter 1

Whoo! Yeah! I had this really awkward dream where Sasuke was drunk and kept trying to sex Naruto up! Yay for yaoi! So I came up with this piece of crap story! Hopefully no one will actually think that! Enjoy my first crappy story you guys! Actually, I started one a while ago, but I got writers block so i couldn't finish, but I really wanted to post sumthin up, so i decide, "hey, why not this piece of crap?" Again, i hope no one actualy thinks that XDD

The story is mostly dialogue cuz I was lazy, so shut up!

Disclaimer: I dun own the show Naruto or any of it's characters, if I did, the entire show would be a porno, cuz that's just how I roll

I only wrote this for fun, I know it's not the best, if anything, the worst peice of literature, but watever. I forget what i was gonna say...oh yeah!

Enjoy

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**But I'm Horny!!!**

_By YaoiObsession_

XD XD XD

"Naru-chaaaaaaaaan..."

"Don't call me that, teme!"

"...Naru-_chaaaaaaaaaaan..."_

"Sasuke! I'm warning you! Stop touching me!!"

"Hah..hehe...that's what your mom said..."

"_I don't have a mom..."_

"Oh...haha...that's what your dad said!"

"Idiot...I don't have parents!!! And I thought I told you to stop touching me!!! We're on a mission!!!"

"Oh...Naru-_chaaaaaaaaaaaan..."_

"SASUKE, STOP IT!!!!"

"But Naru-_chan_...I'm horny..."

"What?!!!! What is the matter with you?!?!?"

"Haha...um...what?"

"Why are you acting like this??"

"Because, dearest companion of mine...I am horny, and I wish to rape you now..."

"(o.O)"

"Oh yeah, you know you like it..."

"Sasuke, stop it! That's enough! No more fooling around!"

"But Naruto, look, I'm so hard here..."

(blush) "You...! You stink of alchohal!! You're drunk, aren't you?!!!"

"No...you're so silly, you silly little goose you..."

"Oh really?"

"Hehehe...silly little man, I'm not drunk...I'm horny!!!

"Sasuke...get your hands out of my pants..._now!!!"_

"But it's so warm in there..."

"S-sasuke...please we're...ah! W-we're on a mission!!!"

"...So? Just a quickie..."

"Sasuke, please! If I fail this mission-"

"Just a quickie..."

"Sasuke!!! We are not having sex on a mission!!"

"Why do you torture me so?"

"How am I torturing you?!!!!"

"Do you realise how much sexual fustration you put me through...?"

"You-! Ok, Naruto, take a deep breath...ok...Sasuke, listen to me-"

"Fine, if I can't screw your brains out, then blow me..."

"What?!?! You self centered jerk!!! What makes you think...mff!!!"

"You...you're so addicting, did you know?"

"Sasuke, we'll get caught!"

"That makes it even more exciting..."

"But Sasu-"

"...Naru-chaaaan..."

"...Argh...you jerk...just make it quick you got it?"

"Yay!"

"What the hell was that?"

"What the hell was what?"

"You just squealed like a fangirl! Damn, you must be wasted!"

"Um...your face!"

"You are so lame when you're drunk..."

"I'm not lame...I'm horny!"

"Hmm...I can see that..."

"Yeah, now that's what I'm talking about...now then, off with the pants!"

"Fine! But make it quick! I don't want to get caught!"

"Hn...very well..."

"Ah! Sasuke! You...stop teasing! I said make it quick!"

"I can't help it...you just make the most sexxiest of faces...makes me just want to pound into you right here and now..."

"Then do it!!!"

"So commanding..."

"...Sasukeeeeeeee..."

"Nyaah?"

"Please...hurry, someone might see..."

"Why? Are you ashamed of me?"

"Of course not! I would never! I love you too much..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"What?!!?

"That's it! Turn over! Your ass is mine!"

"(o.O) Um...be gentle?

::END::

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Yeah, i know, very stupid. You guys probably hate me now. Maybe one day when i feel like it I'll make it more...i dunno...detailed...and with a lemon! Oh, the sexxiness of it all! Maybe i'll write some more later, for now! I will devour some ice cream and get fat! Then go watch anime porn. As they say in Antartica, Bon Voyage! Or was is Australia? I dunno, sumthin with an A...I think...my mom told me that it means "Go f yourself"...nah, im not that stupid...or am I? Dun dun dun!!! Grawr, so bored, reviews will be apreciated! Flames are just as welcomed! they are so much fun to read XDD


	2. Chapter 2

Hello hello hello mu lovvies!! I came up with this like five minutes ago so please forgive me if it doesn't achieve your expectations!! this is part 2 of "But I'm Horny"!! Aren't you just psyched about this?!! Yes, yes you are (whether you like it or not XD) Anyways, no more talkin, on with the fic!!

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**But I'm Horny** part II

_By YaoiObsession_

XD XD XD

_Riiiiiiing. Riiiiiiing._

Click.

"Hello?"

"Haha...heh heh heh..."

"...who is this??"

"Haha...wouldn't you like to know...(hic)"

"Sasuke you jerk, is that you?!"

"Pssh! What? Are you retarded?!!"

"I dunno, are you?"

"...maybe..."

"You're drunk again, aren't you, Sasuke!!"

"What are ya talkin (hic) about? I'm not Sasuke...you...poopie head."

"Is that so? Who is this then?"

"I'm spiderman!! (sings spiderman theme song)"

"Oh God, make it stop! I think my ears are bleeding!!"

"You so mean."

"Sasuke, do you realise what time it is??"

"Pssh, no."

"It's one in the morning!!"

"...Naru-_chaaaaaaaaaan..."_

"What did I tell you about calling me that??"

"But Naru-chan-"

"I don't wanna hear it-"

"Naru_-cha_-"

"No, Sasuke stop-"

"-_aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"_

_"_Sasuke, could you stop?!!"

"-_aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"_

_"..."_

_"-aaaaaaan..."_

"...are you fin-"

"_-aaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"_

_"_That's it, I'm hanging up."

"But I'm horny, Naru-chan!!"

Click.

"..."

Sniffle.

_Riiiiiiiing. Riiiiiiiiing. Riiiii-_

"Sasuke, I'm trying to sleep!!"

"But I'm horny, Naru-chan!"

"And what do you expect me to do about it??"

"...heh heh heh..."

"Sasuke, go to bed already!!"

"Only if you're in it."

"Sasuke!!"

"I'm horny."

"You're always horny!!"

"Nuh uh! That's a lie! I wasn't horny two hours ago!! ...Oh, no, wait! Yes, yes I was...nevermind then."

"...I'm hanging up."

"No, Naru-chan, wai-"

Click.

Blink blink.

_Riiiiiiiing. Riiiiiiiiing. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing._

_"The person you have reached is not available at the moment. Please leave a messege."_

Beep.

"...Naru-_chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa- (stops and takes in deep breath) -aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"_

_"_SASUKE UCHIHA, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU SO HARD YOUR TEETH WILL BE COMING OUT OF YOUR ASS!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Le gasp! Naruto, tsk tsk tsk, shame on you, mister!"

"...I hate you."

"Wha-...what? How could you? I thought you loved me...?"

"..."

"I knew it! It was all a lie!!!! (sobs)"

Click.

"...Ugh, goddamnit!!!"

To be continued.

Uwah, that was so mean of Naruto! How could he!! Whatever will happen next?! Tune in for the next chapter of "But I'm Horny"!! Dun dun dun!

Hahaha, that was fun

Yup, I decide to turn this into a multi chap fic, although it's gonna be considered complete for now. Why, you ask? Because...I'm sexy like that.

Reviews (and flames) would be appreciated! XD


	3. Chapter 3

Hello my sexy little darlings!! Holy Jesus, I'm posting the next chappie already! the world must be coming to an end!! AAAAAHHH! Quick! Give me all your chocolate! How is that going to save you from the world's destruction you say? It wont. But ya wanna know what it will do? Make me fat. So gimme!! XD XD XD

Anyways, here's part three! Like before, I only thought if this like five minutes ago, so sorry if it's not as good as it should be. Just be glad i posted up anything at all! I do this for your entertainment...and to keep me from banging my head against my english text book out of boredom. Damn you Shakespeare! I'm supposed to be doin my homework right now, but guess what? I'm not. Enough ranting! On with this creation of which i dare not call a story! Cuz it's not. And thats how I roll.

Enjoy (or I killz you ded!! XD XD XD)

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**But I'm Horny **part III

_By YaoiObsession_

XD XD XD

"..."

"Sasuke?"

"..."

"You can stop ignoring me now."

"..."

"Look, I already told you that I'm sorry! I'm really sorry for what I said last night, okay? I was just tired and you know I get cranky when I'm tired."

"..."

"Sasuke, I love you, and you know it!"

"..."

"(sigh) Isn't there anything I can do to make up for it..."

"...Well-"

"That does not include sex!!!"

"..."

"Argh, you know, you are a real asshole! All that ever matters to you is sex sex sex-"

"That's not-"

"I'm really starting to believe that you only love me for my body!! All you ever want is sex! Like- like I'm more of a sex slave to you than a lover!"

"Naruto, I-"

"No! You know what? Just shut up, okay! Just- argh! Just don't say anything! I can't even remember the last time you told me that you loved me!"

"Naruto! Could you let me just-"

"No! Screw you, Uchiha! I-"

"I'm sorry!!"

"..."

"Look, I'm sorry if I've been acting like a jerk to you lately. I know I've been drinking alot and acting up but...I do love you."

"...(sniffles) R-really?"

"More than anything in the world..."

"Sasuke..."

"...can we go have make-up sex now?"

"..."

_**Smack!!!**_

"Owwie!!"

"You are such an asshole!!"

"Aw man, look, I'm sorry! It's just- agh, forget it. You wouldn't understand..."

"Understand what?!"

"It's just-! The reason I've been drinking so much is because...well..."

"What?!"

"I have lost something very precious to me..."

"And that would be...?"

"I lost...(mumbles)..."

"W-...what?"

"I said...I lost Mr.Snugglekins..."

"...Mr.Snugglekins?"

"Yes."

"And who is Mr.Snugglekins?"

"My purple elephant..."

"...(bursts out laughing)"

"(blushes) It's not funny! He is very important to me! I can't sleep without him!!"

"That is your excuse??"

"...Yes."

"Okay. So, this is the way I see it. You've lost your 'Mr.Snuglekins', therefore, not getting any sleep, which led to drinking, and then trying to sucker me into sex whenever possible..."

"Hm...yup. That's pretty much it."

"...(walks away)"

"...So I'm assuming there won't be any make-up sex??"

"Go f& yourself!!!"

"Oh yeah? Well maybe I will!!"

"Fine!!"

"Fine!!"

"Fine!!!"

"Fine!!!"

"FINE!!!!"

"...What have I done?"

"I dunno, but whatever it is that you did pissed him off pretty bad. Sakura gave him some flowers hoping it would make him feel better and he chewed them up then spit them in her face. Then he said some pretty mean things and made her cry. Too bad so sad."

"Neji? Where'd you come from?"

"My mother's vagina."

"That's not what I meant."

"Oh...so, does this mean it's over between you two?"

"...I don't know."

"Oh... Well, just to piss you off, I'm going on a date with him tonight."

"What?!!! Since when?!!"

"In like five minutes when I ask him."

"What makes you think he'll accept?!!!"

"Bitch, do you know who I am? I am Neji Hyuuga! And Neji Hyuuga does not take no for an answer!"

"(o.O)" 

"And maybe if I'm lucky, I'll score with him tonight..."

"Oh, no you didn't!"

"Oh yes I did bitch! Neji Hyuuga is gettin' some tonight!! (walks away quickly)"

"Why that little- wait! Why was he talking in third person? Ugh, nevermind that, no way in hell that little prick is takin' my Naru-chan away from me!!"

"Hahaha...you said prick...which rhyms with dick...heh heh..."

"Kiba? What are you doing here?"

"Oh, ya know, just...standing around..."

"Ok, let me re-phrase the question. Why are you here?"

"Because _she_ told me to."

"...who's she?"

"I cannot say."

"Why not?"

"Because then...(shivers)... she'd pair me up with Choji!!"

"...why?"

"( ) I know nothing!! (runs away)"

"...what was I doing again?"

To be continued...

Gasp! Is it really over between Sasuke and Naruto? is Neji really gonna score with Naruto?? And who is this 'she" of whick Kiba speaks of?!! Well, one: No, it's not over. Why? Because this story is SasuNaru, that should be plainly obvious. Two: That depends on how I'm feeling when typing up the next chappie. And Three: ... ... . ...I know nothing!!

Come on flamers! Show meh watcha got! ...Oh, and review please XD XD XD


	4. Chapter 4

Oh ehm gee! Chapter 4 already! Whoo! Look at meh, Im on a roll! To answer some of my darling reviewers questions, here are several answers.

-No, there isn't going to be a lemon. If you want a lemon from me, go read my other story "Condensed Milk"

-This is a dialogue fic, and that's how it's going to remain. (Also, it's gonna be VERY diffifult to write a lemon with only dialogue anyway XD)

-I consider it complete because I might just leave it off at some random chapter, so if you notice that i haven't uploaded the next chapter after a week or so, it's probably over.

-Who is this "she", you ask?? Ask Kiba (glares)

Kiba: I know nothing!!!

-Any other questions you asked that i didn't answer...too bad. Maybe if you leave more reviews I'll answer 'em. I kinda just gave up on the flames, which disappointed me. But, oh well, what can i do?

I've noticed that my last chapter seemed to have been a bit confusing. If you dont understand what happened, feel free to send me a mesege notifing so, so that I may explain it to you. Also, i apoligize if my chapters seem to be getting...not so better. What do you expect! I'm running low on ideas! i just write what comes to mind, and I come up with some pretty darn stupid shit if ya haven't noticed. Again, I apoligize if this chapter isn't as great the rest, so...yeah. Also, if you thought the last chap was confusing, well this is going to be more! Enough talk anyway, most of you dun even read the authors notes anyway. I know I wouldnt XD

Disclaimer: You already know I don't own Naruto. There is a song in this fic called I wanna sex you up by LFO.

(Kiba: This is a song fic all of a sudden?!!)

Enjoy (or "she" will do something very terrible to you, right Kiba?)

(Kiba: )

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**But I'm Horny **part IV

_By YaoiObsession_

XD XD XD

Uchiha's House

"NARUTO!!!! COME BACK TO MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"

"What's with all the drama, Uchiha?"

"Kiba, why are you in my house?"

"Oh, you know..."

"I do?"

"Yes."

"Oh...does this have to do with-"

"Shut up! _She's_ watching..._she _is always watching..."

"Even when I'm taking a doodie?"

"Um...sure, why not..."

"(oO) I'm...I'm scared!"

"You should be..."

"I want my Mr.Snugglekins!!"

"Who?"

"Shut up."

"(TTTT)"

"Is it true that Naruto agreed to go out with Neji?"

"Yeah. Are you mad?"

"No."

"Y-you're not?"

"Nope. I have a plan...(grin)"

"Now I'm sacred! What are planning?"

"Heh heh heh..."

"If it has anything to do with sex, I'm telling you now, it's not gonna work."

"Aw, goddamnit! Oh well, I guess it's on to plan B!"

"What's plan B?"

"Ok, seriously Kiba, you are getting annoying. Explain to me again why you are in my house?"

"I know nothing!! (runs away)"

"Hmmm...now where is that karaoke machine Iruka bought me for Christmas..."

-

Hyuuga's House

"Um, Naruto, I think you've had too much to drink..."

"No, you wanna know whut? I think...(hic)...I think YOU had too much to drink!!"

"Um, ok. Whatever you say, Naru-chan-"

"Sas'ke, I tolds you not ta call meh that you jerk!!"

"(veinpop) I'm not Sasuke, you sexy little beast! I think you need to lay down...in my room...on my bed...naked...-"

"Huh?"

"Ignore what I said."

"Oh, you were saying sumthin'?

"(sigh)-"

_Riiiiiiiiing. Riiiiiiiiiiing._

Click.

"This is Neji Hyuuga, who, may I ask, am I speaking with?"

"Uh-...uhm, hallo? Dis is Kentuckee Fly Chicken, can I preez take you orda?"

"Wha-...what?"

"You want fly chicken wit tha?"

"Fly chicken?"

"Ya, fly chicken wit fly lice."

"What the-? Who is this?"

"You want eggroll wit tha?"

"Do you realise whom you are speaking with? I am Neji Hyuuga bitch! Don't you play games with me!!"

"Oh, no no, no game! I say you want soy sauce massage?"

"Huh?"

"Oh, ya, you like soy sauce massage."

"Neji, who'z on thu phone...?"

"Naruto, go to my room and get naked."

"Oh...ok... (leaves)"

"Now then, who the hell am I speaking to? Don't make Neji Hyuuga smack a bitch!!"

"...you want soy sauce massage, ya? You like eggroll?"

"..."

Click.

-

Uchiha house

"Kiba, you are an idiot."

"Ya, you like soy sauce massage, ya?"

"Stop that!! What was the whole point of that anyway? How was that phone call supposed help me get Naruto back?!!"

"It wasn't."

"Then why- ? Let me guess-"

"I know nothing!"

"Could you stop that!!!"

-

Konoha Pub

"So then he said -you wanna know what he said to me?- he said 'can we have make up sex now?' And, ya wanna know what I did? I-...I don't remember what I did, but whatever it was, numbed my hand...thas all I remember..."

"...Who the hell are you?? Why are you talking to me??"

"Um, Naruto, I'm over here."

"Oh, hey Neji! I was just talking to you!!"

"Naruto, can I ask you a question?"

"Ya just did, dip shit! Hahahahahaaah!!"

"Ok, I don't care how sexy you are, you're starting to annoy me. Now then tell me, what part of 'Go to my room and get naked' made you come all the way to the Konoha pub?"

"Um...I like chickens..."

"Uh-huh...alright then, Naruto, can I ask you another question?

"Maybe..."

"I'll take that as a yes, will you-"

I Wanna Sex You Up by LFO starts playing, random stage appears in the center of pub

"Double you tee eff?!!"

"Neji, look! It's Sasuke!! And he's wearing tight pants!! Like Spiderman!! (sings spiderman theme song)"

"Oh God, the horror! The agony!!!"

_"I wanna sex you up  
Let me freak you up  
I wanna sex you up  
I know the way you like it  
Let me freak you up"  
_"Nice arse Sasuke!! Whooo! Take it off!!!"

_"Boy, you are my destiny  
Baby, I like the way you walk the way you walk the way you talk  
You, you are a mystery  
Come on baby, let me inside"_

"Oh ehm gee!! That's my sexy boyfriend up tharr, didya know??"

"I don't even know you!! Why do you keep talking to me?!!"

"Oh, lookie, Neji!! Kiba singin too!"

"Is-...are they using a pink karaoke machine? (O.o)"

_"I wanna sex you up, that's right  
Come on now let's get it on tonight  
I wanna sex you up  
Come on now let's get it on"_

_"I wanna sex you up  
Let me freak you up  
I wanna sex you up  
I know the way you like it  
Let me freak you up"_

_"I wanna sex you up  
Let me freak you up  
I wanna sex you up  
I know the way you like it  
Let me freak you up"_

_"I wanna sex you up and down  
Freakin' to the sound let's toss it around"_

"Meh, this is boring me. Man, looks like Neji Hyuuga isn't gettin any tonight."

"Gettin any what?"

"I'll only say this: sleep with an eye open Naruto. Because when you least expect it, I will molest you."

"(o.O)"

_"Come on now, I feel the rhythm as I hit em  
You boost that is as I slide up in there  
Well let's flip it side to side  
We'll take it slow then fast for a funky ride  
we gonna make it last the whole night long  
'cause I wanna sex you up and get it on"_

_"I wanna sex you up  
Let me freak you up  
I wanna sex you up  
I know the way you like it  
Let me freak you up"_

_"I wanna sex you up  
Let me freak you up  
I wanna sex you up  
I know the way you like it  
Let me freak you up"_

_  
"All I wanna do is hold you tonight  
And maybe this time's for you and me, can't you see  
You, you know I'll treat you right  
Oh yeah, come on baby let me inside  
Heyah, heyah, I wanna rock with you  
Heyah, heyah, do you feel it too  
Heyah, heyah, I wanna rock with you  
Heyah, heyah, do you feel it too"_

_  
"I wanna sex you up  
Let me freak you up  
I wanna sex you up  
I know the way you like it  
Let me freak you up"_

_"I wanna sex you up  
Let me freak you up  
I wanna sex you up  
I know the way you like it  
Let me freak you up"_

(End song X3 Finally!)

"ZOMG, Sasuke, you sung that sexy song for meh??"

"Yes. Look, I know I haven't been treating you nicely, so I've decided. No sex unless you really want it. It's no fun if I'm the only one enjoying it."

"Hmm, well in that case, I'm kinda feeling a little horny right now..."

"Kiba, do me a favor..."

"You want soy sauce massage?"

"No. Go to the store and buy condoms. Alot. Like, alot alot. I'm going to be needing them (grin)"

"Whoo! Lets go make man-babies!!"

"Yesh! We will be making a lot of man-babies!!"

"Imma go buy them condoms now."

"Ah, Sasuke! You make me so horny!!"

Uchiha's House

"...Naru-_chaaaaaaan..."_

"Uwah, Sasuke, haven't you had enough? We've been at it for 3 hours already...and 'm tired..."

"But, Naru-_chan_, we still have so many condoms left..."

"We'll use them later."

"...ok, now is later, lets go!"

"What happened to your promise about only having sex when I really wanted to?!!"

"I crossed my fingers."

"Hey you guys!"

"Kiba! Why are you in my house! Again!!"

"To my displeasure, _she_ said I had to take sexxiful pictures for all the readers who reviewed as a gift. Either that, or I'd be sent to a whore house."

"How is that bad?"

"Because I'm going to be the whore."

"Oh...can you leave now? I'm trying to sex Naruto up."

"...will you give me a cookie?"

"Out!"

"I know nothing! (runs away)"

::END::

Haha, yeah, i think the song killed the story. I put it in there cuz it entertained me.Yup, this is the end. I might add an extra chapter just to keep you entertained. Note, i sed MIGHT! Ow, Im bleeding. I just ripped off a scab on my back. Aw man, now there's blood on my white shirt! But you didnt need to know that. Thought I'd let you know anyway just to disgust you. Are you disgusted? If ya are, good. If your not, then Kiba's goin to the whore house.

Kiba: Nuuuuuu! I'm too young and sexy to becom a whore!!

Shush! I command thee! You're giving me away!!

Kiba: Save meee!!!

That's it! it's off to the whore house for you!!!!

I've sed this before and I'll say it again, i apoligize if this story didn't live up to ur expectations. Also, the whole soy sause massage thing wasn't my original idea. It was my friend Christine idea. Her friend prank called her and sed some ridiculous things about eggrolls and soy sauce massages. i'd like to dedicate this story to my friends Skye, Christine, Tina, Gaby, and a whole buncha other ppl. you know who you are. And as a plus, my reviewers are getting photos of Sasuke and Naruto doin tha nasteh! review leaving a request for the pics, i'll send em to ya in a messege Thank Kiba for the pics you guys!

Kiba: Help me!!!

XD XD XD


	5. Chapter 5

Well, here it is!! The absolute final chapter of dis story (and i mean it this time!!) I've gotten so many reviews for this crappy, dare I call it, story. I just thought I'd make one last chapter to make y'all happy Cuz if ur happy then I'm happy. Also, there's a big suprise at the end!! What is it, you ask? You gonna hfta read to find out...now love meh!!

Also...about them pictures...yeah...if ya haven't read what happened to them on my profile, well then I'll just tell ya now:

Some idiot dog boy erased all my yaoi!!...which of course includes them sasuxnaru pics... TT.TT

Kiba: It wasn't my fault!! And it wasn't me who did it either!! It was- (gets smacked in the head by random flying rock)

What was that Kiba? You say that it was your fault and you erased all my pics?? You're so naughty! You must be punished!

Kiba: Nuuu!! Not the spinach pit!! Anything but that!! I hate spinach!!

In the spinach pit you go! (throws kiba in spinach pit)

Kiba: NOOOOO!! The healthy-for-your-colon horror!!!

So yeah...consider this chapter as a make-up for them pics I promised XP

Like always, i come with this crap like 5 minutes before I actually get down to the typing so...yeah, you know where Im getting at.

Now then, on with the fic! Squee!

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**But I'm Horny **part V

_By YaoiObsession_

XD XD XD

"...now?"

"No."

"How about now?"

"No, Sasuke!!"

"...can I molest you now?"

"Later, Sasuke! I'm busy! I have to turn in these mission reports before-"

"Ok, later is now, drop your pants!!"

"Agh! No! Sasuke, get off!!!"

"Well, hello lovey-dovey's! What's crackin'?"

"Kiba, how do you keep getting into my house?!!"

"Um...because...I'm magic?"

"Get out of my house!!!"

"Why won't you love meeee??!!! (runs away crying)"

"(o.O) What the hell was that all about?"

"Kiba asked Hinata out and she said no because he smells like dog poo. How unfortunate..."

"Neji? Why are you in my house?!!"

"I came to molest Naruto...but he doesn't know that yet."

"I heard that you jerk!!"

"No you didn't!! (runs away)"

"Grawr, I'm hungry. Damn, all out of ramen, I better go buy some more. Sasuke, do you want to come with me?"

"Hell yeah, I wanna cum with you!! I've been waiting all day! (molest)"

"Aah! Get off me, you rapist!! I said if you wanted to come with me to the grocery, you pervert!!"

"Oh...wouldn't you like to come to the party in my pants instead??"

"You're such a freaky leaky! I'm leaving!! (leaves)"

"...but...it's so lonely...in my pants...(sniffle sniffle)"

-30 Minutes Later-

"Sasuke!! I'm back! I brought you some- OH MY GOD!! SASUKE?!! WHAT HAPPENED?!!"

"I sold my arms on eBay for...stuff..."

"YOU IDIOT!!! ...YOU'RE BLEEDING ALL OVER THE CARPET!!!"

"For a second there, I actually believed you were worried about the fact that I chopped my arms off to sell them on eBay...but no! The carpet is more important to you..."

"HELL YEAH!! I GOT THEM INSTALLED JUST TWO DAYS AGO AND YOU'RE BLEEDING ALL OVER IT!! GAWD!!"

"..."

"What?! Aw, you're gonna cry, cry-baby?? Would you like me to kiss your booboo?!! I would if it wasn't BLEEDING ALL OVER MY FXXXING CARPET!!!"

"Yeah, um...as much as I would love to help you clean up the carpet...I'm feeling light-headed...Imma go lay down-"

"Uh-uh! I don't think so! Don't come up with your excuses, you clean up this carpet!!"

"How am I supposed to do that with no arms, genius?!!!"

"You figure it out Mr.I-don't-care-about-the-carpet-since-I-didn't-pay-for-it!!!"

-1 Hour Later-

"Didya clean up my carpet?? Oh...crap...(looks down on passed out Sasuke)"

"Oh no!! ...who's gonna clean up the carpet?!!"

-In the Hospital-

"Hey Sasuke, how you doing?"

"Oh great, not you again. What do you want, Kiba?"

"I just came to see how you were! Jeez...who sells their arms on eBay anyway..."

"Shut up!"

"What?! ...so...did anyone buy it?"

"Yeah, some freak named Uramihcoro. Who the hell names their kid Uramihcoro??"

"Fer serious...so...anyways, Naruto looks pissed..."

"Ah, he's just suffering from vaginal bleeding."

"Oh...so...now that you're armless...what are you going to do with yourself?"

"Imma get me cybernetic arms."

"(o.O) Oh..wow...that's...SO COOL!!!"

"Hell yeah, it's cool!! Why have fleshy arms when you can have robot arms!! Robots rule!!"

"YEAH!!!...oh, but wait! Do you realize the impact this will have on you sex life?"

"W-what?"

"Robotic arms are cool and stuff...but won't it hurt when you jack-off? And what about with Naruto?"

"Dear God, what have I done??!!"

"I dunno, what did you do??"

"Could you leave?!!"

"I know nothing!! (runs away)"

"...freak."

-3 Days Later-

"Hey Naruto."

"Hey Kiba."

"Sooo...I heard Sasuke supposed to come out of the hospital today...?"

"Yep."

"Um...may I ask why you are carrying an ax to the hospital??"

"Oh, no apparent reason, really."

"Oh...hey! Look! They let Sasuke out!! ..What the-? Sasuke, you got your arms back?!!"

"Yeah, that freak named Uramihcoro gave me my arms back 'cus he said they're not as much fun when I'm not attached to them. There's was something oddly familiar about that guy...especially his freakishly long tongue...(shiver)"

"o.O"

"Sasuke! I'm so glad you're finally out of the hospital! Now I can do this--!!! (chops Sasuke's arms off with ax)"

"AAAAAGGGHHHH!!! HOLY FXXXING SHIT!!! WHAT THE FXXX IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU FXXXING PSYCHO MANIAC?!!"

"EVERYTHING!!! BWA HAH HAH HAH!!!!"

"So that's why he brought the ax to the hospital for..."

"Now quit your bitching and go clean up my damn carpet!!"

"HOW THE FXXX AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT WHEN I'M BLEEDING TO DEATH YOU SEXY MOTHER FXXXER!!!"

"Watch your language, Mister Sir!! Now you march home right now and clean up my carpet!! (drags Sasuke home by the ear)"

"Holy crap...is it just me, or has the writer of this fic gone a little crazy cuz of the fact that she's running out of ideas for this story...!! I mean, I KNOW NOTHING!!!"

-Several agonizing hours later-

"...(o.O)"

"Huh? Oh, hey Neji! I hope you didn't come to molest me...so how you doing?"

"Holy cracker smackers, what the hell happened...to your carpet?!! Didn't you get them installed just last week???"

"Oh yeah, that fool, Sasuke, bled all over my damn carpet."

"Wow, that seriously sucks...blood stains, ya know..."

"Yeah...

"Sooo...um...he doesn't look like he's doing too good of a job cleaning the carpet...ya know, being passed on the floor and stuff..."

"Yeah, he was all like 'Oh, I need to go to the hospital' and 'I'm gonna bleed to death' and blah blah blah. Him and his damn excuses..."

"Naruto, he's not breathing..."

"...he's always coming up with the stupidest excuses, I mean, like I'm supposed to actually believe that he needs to see a doctor from such a minor injury, I mean, seriously..."

"Chopping his arms off is actually pretty extreme..."

"...goddamn Sasuke and his...sexy idioticy!! Hey! Hey, get up lazy ass! Clean up my damn carpet!!"

"Naruto, I think Sasuke's dead..."

"...HAHA! That's freakin' hilarious, Neji! And in case you didn't know, I was being sarcastic!!"

"Right...sooo...what are you doing tonight?"

"Oh ehm gee, he really is dead!! NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (dramatic background music)"

"Aw man, looks like your gonna be busy grieving over Sasuke's death. Oh well, if ya need meh, you know what to do..."

"Not really..."

"Oh...well, I'll let ya know as soon as I figure it out myself. Later."

"(sob) I can't beleive Sasuke is really dead...this is all Kiba's fault!! Damn you, Kiba!! Don't worry Sasuke, I will avenge you!! I swear it to your missing limbs! I SHALL AVENGE THOU!!"

"Actually, it's 'thee'."

"Oh, thanks for correcting me, Shikamaru."

"No problem. It's not unusual for stupid people to use the terms wrongly. So, Sasuke's dead, huh?"

"Yeah, and it was all Kiba's fault!!"

"Eh, I blame the internet."

"Yeah, the internet is an evil place..."

"..."

"So...wanna go rape trees?"

"Way ahead of you, buddie. (gets naked down to his underwear)

-To be continues-

What's this?? Can it be?? Yes!! The story is to be continued!! I lied to you all along!! bwa hah hah! And that is the big suprise. Suprised, aren't you? Of course you are. Oh noes! Is Sasuke really dead?? No. No he is not. He will never die as long as I continue writing this story. Which I will. The next chappie is the end. I mean it this time. I'm being totally fer serious. Now review!!! Or Shikamaru shall join Kiba in the Spinach Pit!!

Shikamaru: Actually, spinach isn't all that bad...

...BURN HIM!! BURN HIIIIIIIIIIIM!!!!!!!

Shikamaru: Oh...crap...

X3 X3 X3


	6. Chapter 6

Hallo! I wasn't very proud of my last chappie, and got me thinking that maybe I shoulda just left it at the 4th chappie. I was even getting ready to delete it. But cha wanna know wut?? I decided, screw it! i posted it, and Imma finish up wut I started!! And to answer one of my reviewers question, no, I do not have issues. I was just very bored and plus i was not in a good mood so i thought i'd make one of the characters suffer. So I chose Sasuke. Why? Because. It entertains meh.

Also, this is fer seriously the last chapter! And Im being totally fer serious this time!! I have no time to be messing with this story when I have two other stories to be working on!! So yeah, thank y'all fer reading. I hearts you all!!

Anyways, this chapter took me alittle longer than 5 minutes to come up with but it'll be good, I promise!! Now read. Do it. Do it now. Or its the Spinach Pit for yew!! XDD

**But I'm Horny **part VI

_By Yaoi Obsession_

X3 X3 X3

"...Oh! Good morning, Neji!"

"Sakura? Haven't seen you in a while. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine. Hey, I heard Shikamaru had to go to the hospital yesterday. What was that about?"

"He got a little carried away tree-humping. Bad case of splinters around the crotch area."

"Ouch."

"Tragic."

"So where's Naruto?"

"Setting up a creepy shrine to Sasuke in his closet. Stupid Sasuke...no one ever built a shrine of me to obsess over..."

"Whaddya mean? Why?"

"Sasuke died yesterday. Heh heh...score one for Hyuuga..."

"I died?"

"The hell?!! You're supposed to be dead!!"

"I am?"

"Yes!!"

"But then...this can only mean one thing..."

"If you say something retarded I am going to back-hand you."

"I'm a zombie!!! Freakin' sweet!!"

"(back-hands Sasuke) What did I just say, bitch?!!"

"Ooooo, bitch slapped!!"

"You're next, Sakura!"

"(OxO)"

"(bites Neji's arm)"

"AAAGHHH!!! WTF???"

"I shall devour your flesh!! ...Gross, you taste like broccolli. Imma go turn Naruto into a zombie now so we can have hot, sweaty, zombie sex..."

"Ewwww, I may be a hard-core yaoi fan, but that's gross. Zombies are gross."

"Your mom is gross Sakura."

"At least I can come up with better come-backs that doesn't involve one's mom and/or face."

"Touche, Sakura..."

"..."

"..."

"...You don't even know what that word means, do you?"

"Not a clue."

-Uchiha's House-

"Oh God, Sasuke!! Sob, how could you leave me??...Without cleaning my damn carpet!! Sob sob!"

"Lucy, I'm home!!"

"Go away, Kiba!! I'm not in the mood for your 'I know nothing' crap!! I just wanna be left ALONE to mourn and angst over how my carpet is never gonna get cleaned..."

"But...what about Sasuke??"

"Who?"

"(o.o)"

"...Oh...Oohh!!! Sasuke!!! Oh God, Sasuke, how could you leave me??? Sob sob cry angst!!"

"Yeah...normally, this would be the part where I say my infamous line of 'I know nothing'...but this is just messed up. Imma go rent some porno and masturbate 'til I pass out so...yeah...have fun angsting! (leaves)"

"Boo hoo, oh boo hoo hoo...boo hoo hoo boo hoo...gasp hiccup sob boo hoo..."

"..the hell are you doing?"

"I'm mourning over you, you jerk!! What does it look like...wait! Sasuke?? You're alive!!!"

"I am? Crap, I wanted to be a zombie..."

"But how? Your heart stopped and everything!"

"Oh yeah, my doctor said it's normal for my heart to stop when I'm asleep."

"So...you were sleeping the whole time? But...how'd you get your arms back?!"

"A true ninja is prepared for everything and always carries an extra pair of arms with him."

"I...didn't know that..."

"Neither did I."

"So...you're fine now?"

"Yep."

"Good, clean up my damn carpet!!!"

"Wha?? But-"

"And if the stains come out, we can have hot, sweaty, kinky zombie sex in that coffin you got on eBay."

"...where did you say that cleaning rag was again?"

-(Several agonizing carpet-cleaning hours later)-

"Ok...I'm not even going to ask..."

"Kiba, go away, I'm busy."

"Aw, to hell with it, I'll ask anyway. Sasuke, why are you covered in ketchup??"

"It's not ketchup...it's blood...hot, sexy, zombie blood."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm a zombie...having hot, sexy, zombie sex."

"You...a zombie...? That is absolutly...awesome beyond all reason..."

"Hell yeah..."

"Uuuuuuhhhhh...Sasssuke...your horny zombie partner is hungry...for your flesh...your big, hot, hard flesh..."

"Holy Jesus, I did not hear that..."

"Coming my sexy zombie whore...um...yeah...I gotta go..."

"I...I...(passes out)"

-End-

Yep. That's all. I'm finished. So...I hope you guys liked it. Thats all I really have to say for now. Later lovvies, stay tuned for my next upcoming stories. Be prepared for a very long wait tho, cuz the way things are going, they won't be up very soon...buh bye!!

Much Luvv,

YaoiObsession


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